. altius . citius . fortius .

Like a scene out of Arachnaphobia, I was in the shower washing my hair, rinsed, and looked up into the corner behind the shower head. And there it was. Staring at me. Upside-fucking-down staring at me. Even though the water temp was pretty damn hot, I got a chill.

“Ewwwww!!”

So I thought to myself, “Is that thing going to crawl right above me? Or is it just going to hang out in the corner?”

No and no. The steam from the shower must’ve bothered it. So it moved.

“FUUUCK!!”

So in comes Franklin. He follows my gaze to the corner of the shower, looks, and then leaves. -______- Great. “Ok. Maybe it’ll stop moving. Fuck. I’m just going to condition my hair and get the fuck out. I’ll shave my legs tomorrow.” (LOL) He comes back in with his work boot. Me? Still paralyzed in the same position from when I first made eye contact with the eight legged monster. So hubby switches the water from shower head to tub, steps on the tub, reaches up, and crushed it. We both watched it fall to it’s watery grave and slowly heads toward the drain. So then Franklin says to me, “You’re lucky. I was about to head downstairs for a snack, but then I heard you say something. So if you need me, I’ll be downstairs getting a snack.” And he struts out the bathroom.

I stood there. I watched the water run over the drain for a good 30 seconds - just making sure that thing was gone. But letting the water run didn’t really put my mind at ease. Conditioned. Moisturized. And got the fuck out.

What was even weirder was that before I hopped into the shower, I had Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me stuck in my head. Weird.

And that’s how I almost died tonight.